The Juice List

Some guy in a CBS Sportlines message board posted this. He said, "This is unconfirmed, but I've got my sources." Take it for what it's worth.

1. Nomar Garciaparra
2. Manny Ramirez
3. Johnny Damon
4. Trot Nixon
5. David Ortiz
6. Shea Hillenbrand
7. Derek Lowe
8. Pedro Martinez
9. Brian Roberts
10. Jay Gibbons
11. Melvin Mora
12. Jerry Hairston
13. Jason Giambi
14. Alfonso Soriano
15. Raul Mondesi
16. Aaron Boone
17. Andy Pettitte
18. Jose Contreras
19. Roger Clemens
20. Carlos Delgado
21. Vernon Wells
22. Frank Catalanotto
23. Kenny Rogers
24. Magglio Ordonez
25. Sandy Alomar
26. Bartolo Colon
27. Brent Abernathy
28. Jose Lima
29. Milton Bradley
30. Casey Blake
31. Danys Baez
32. Craig Monroe
33. Dmitri Young
34. Alex Sanchez
35. Eric Chavez
36. Miguel Tejada
37. Eric Byrnes
38. Jose Guillen
39. Keith Foulke
40. Ricardo Rincon
41. Bret Boone
42. Mike Cameron
43. Randy Winn
44. Ryan Franklin
45. Freddy Garcia
46. Rafael Soriano
47. Scott Spiezio
48. Troy Glaus
49. Francisco Rodriguez
50. Ben Weber
51. Alex Rodriguez
52. Juan Gonzalez
53. Rafael Palmeiro
54. Carl Everett
55. Javy Lopez
56. Gary Sheffield
57. Mike Hampton
58. Ivan Rodriguez
59. Derrek Lee
60. Bobby Abreu
61. Terry Adams
62. Fernando Tatis
63. Livan Hernandez
64. Hector Almonte
65. Tony Armas
66. Dan Smith
67. Roberto Alomar
68. Cliff Floyd
69. Roger Cedeno
70. Jeromy Burnitz
71. Moises Alou
72. Sammy Sosa
73. Corey Patterson
74. Carlos Zambrano
75. Mark Prior
76. Kerry Wood
77. Matt Clement
78. Antonio Alfonseca
79. Juan Cruz
80. Aramis Ramirez
81. Craig Wilson
82. Kris Benson
83. Richie Sexson
84. Geoff Jenkins
85. Valerio de los Santos
86. Benito Santiago
87. Rich Aurilia
88. Barry Bonds
89. Andres Galarraga
90. Jason Schmidt
91. Felix Rodriguez
92. Jason Christiansen
93. Matt Herges
94. Paul Lo Duca
95. Shawn Green
96. Oliver Perez
97. Adrian Beltre
98. Eric Gagne
99. Guillermo Mota
100. Luis Gonzalez
101. Todd Helton
102. Ryan Klesko
103. Gary Matthews

For my money, this list doesn't look much different than one any of us could have made up given a few hours looking through stats. Sprinkle in a Hector Almonte and Dan Smith here and there to make it look legit, and there you go.

In a Bit of a Pickle

If you haven't checked it out lately, Sports Pickle has a new, redesigned website with daily updates.

"Prince Fielder Achieves Goal of Being Too Fat to Pitch Around"

"Chinese Scientists Hurrying Development of Yao Ming 2.0"

"PGA golfers honor Michael Jackson by wearing one white glove"

That's good stuff.

Who's in the Box?

"When I lived by Jake in 'tosa, he told me he was in a death league. Was anyone else in the league? If so, someone could be kicking ass right now." - Joe Z

There are few things you do in your life that wind up being truly legendary. Things that you continue to talk about and be reminded of for years after they happen. Memories that are etched so deeply that they will be the final remains of your consciousness when you yourself are but a blathering sack of flesh ready slip the surly bonds of Earth. And every time you say, "remember when?" the story is as fresh and intriguing as when it first happened. Perhaps more so, because the passage of time allows you to stand back and witness the true grandeur of that thing - the enormity of which was not apparent to you when it was happening in real time. For those of us who played in it, the Celebrity Death League certainly fits into that category of things. Every time there is a run of celebrity deaths, someone, somewhere, without fail, will remember that league.

I would imagine that in some computer archive somewhere I've got the spreadsheets with everyone's 'rosters'. I can't even remember how long ago we played. I do remember that for the duration of the league, there was "still Hope." Bob Hope died in 2003 at the age of 100, so it was at least that long ago.

For the past number of years I've actually been kicking around an idea in my head for a new kind of Celebrity Death League. This is odd to say now, but the major flaw in the old league was that is was so boring. We got together and drafted a bunch of famous old people and then just sat back and waited for them to die. When one of them actually did, it was a big deal, especially for the 'owner' of that celeb, but otherwise there really wasn't any active participation - no trades, no weekly lineups. It just sort of sat there.

My idea for the new league is that it would run more like the stock market than like a draft-and-hold league. You would start off with some number of 'points' - say 100. You would use those points to buy contracts on living celebrities. When a celebrity dies, the contracts would pay out at a rate of 100 minus the celebrity's age. The younger the celebrity, the more valuable the payout. Then, when one of your celebrities dies, you can use the payout to buy contracts on other celebrities or keep the points in your 'cash reserve.' In the mean time, you can buy and sell contracts with other players in the league. For each contract you own, you would be required to post an 'asking price'. Any other owner could then buy that contact from you for your asking price - first come first served. If you need to free up some points and you can't find someone to buy your contracts, you can dump them for half of what you paid. The winner would be the owner who through either celebrity deaths or shrewd trading, accumulates the most points by the end of the year defined by the value of his cash reserve plus the value of the contracts he owns.

You could still have a draft, but instead of taking turns selecting celebrities, you would nominate them in a series of IPOs. There would be a bidding process for the contract on each celebrity. Over the course of the year, new celebrities could be nominated through a similar IPO process. One owner might say, "I offer to buy Woody Allen for 3 points." There would be a 1-week period in which any other owner could then up that bid. At the end of one week whoever has the highest bid now owns the contract on Woody Allen. Let's say he sells for 5. You would then post him on your roster and post an asking price for his contract - maybe 8. If someone comes along and buys his contract from you, you profit 3 points. If Woody Allen dies, the owner of the contract gets 27 points (100 minus his age of 73). One of the reasons for keeping the bidding process open for one week is that you couldn't quick buy up a contract of someone who was in a car accident this morning, hoping for a quick profit. If you do, and that celebrity dies before the bidding period is over, whoever has high bid will wind up buying a contact with no payout.

There would obviously be a lot of details to flush out and cans of worms to close, but the rules could evolve as they do in any league. With the Internet, this could obviously all be done online. Wha-da-ya say? You in the box?